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Musings of A Dhe'nar Bard     The Bard's Bio        A Q'hali's Work        Lessons of Sharath       Prose     Bardfest 2008   Player's Blog

 

>Dremerie recites:

"Ok. Green it is!
And that means... 

BREUM!"

>Breum asks, "Um...yellow?"

You see Breum the Bardess.
She appears to be an Aelotoi of the Mrae'ni Clan.
She is shorter than average and appears to be very young. She has almond-shaped lavender rose eyes and ivory skin. She has very long, flowing platinum hair. She has a delicate face, a small nose and slender wrists. She has a pair of glimmering wings.
She is in good shape.
She is wearing a blue wild violet circlet woven with pale ribbons, a half-sized burnished hummingbird, a gold-edged pale sapphire pendant, an aelotoi-styled mistwood lyre inlaid with pale grey moonstones and pink topaz slung over her shoulder, a linked note-shaped armband, a pale ivory cloth bag slung over her shoulder, a gold suede half-bodice with bloused deep blue cotton sleeves, an ankle-length layered kerchief skirt, and a twining rose vine anklet.

(much applause)

>Breum goes down a walkway.

>The backstage curtains part slightly, and Breum steps out onto the stage. A glimpse of the shadowy backstage is briefly visible before the curtains close behind her.

>Breum smiles.

>Breum says, "I am a scholar of your arkati."

>Breum says, "Though you wouldn't know it after that last question."

Breum blushes a delicate shade of pale pink.

>Breum flutters her wings, stirring the air slightly.

Breum says, "This is called brothers, like night and day."

>Breum plucks at the strings of her lyre, checking the tone.
The string makes a high pitched *twang* as she releases it.

(I've never seen THAT happen before. Is it broken?)

>Breum clears her throat.
>Breum closes her eyes for a moment.
>Breum blushes a delicate shade of pale pink.
>Breum coughs.
>Breum softly says, "Sorry."

(I'm guessing she did that purposely? I wonder what she did exactly.)

With a pensive expression, Breum places her fingers on her mistwood lyre, somberly beginning a solemn lament.

>Breum smiles.

>Breum sings:

"Give me the still darkness oer' harsh days light
Let shadows gentle mercy fill the shades of twilight."

(Heroic couplet, beat at 10, 13. Using standard instrument script.)

>Producing a variation on the somber theme, Breum uses a series of repeated notes in the left hand, basso ostinato, while her right hand wanders the upper strings.

>(Breum taps her foot slowly in time with her playing)

(Acts should still use punctuation.)

>Breum sings:

"Crimson gold hues leave the night scoured
Liabo s pale lights weave the way to Ronan's hour."

(Quasi couplet, beat at 9, 13. Looks like she's pasting from Word, since the apostrophe is missing.)

As Breum intertwines the lines of a solemn fugue on her lyre, she produces lingering, moving lines that are neither miserable nor depressing but intriguing.

>Breum sings:

"Phoen s harsh rays batter down all the day,
When in darkness I'd tarry oer' the length of light s sway."

(Copy/Past is confirmed with another missing apostrophe. Beat remains at 9, 13.)

>Breum sings:

"Wrap us in swaddle of shadow and darkness
Who dare not dawdle in night's twin cruel starkness"

(Beat change to 11, 11. Apostrophe found! So there's been -some- editing?)

>Breum sways back and forth.

>Producing a variation on the somber theme, Breum uses a series of repeated notes in the left hand, basso ostinato, while her right hand wanders the upper strings.

>Breum hums a fancy melody, embellishing each note as only a bard can.

>The dynamic shadings Breum pulls from her lyre as her hands move carefully across the strings bring a pensive texture to the composition.

>Breum sings:

"Walk boldly tween sunset and star eyed's waking
Nothing therein demean, less remain quaking."

(Beat at 11, 11. Tween should be 'tween if it's being shortened.)

>The dynamic shadings Breum pulls from her lyre as her hands move carefully across the strings bring a pensive texture to the composition.

>(Breum raises her face to softly sing)

(Punctuation.)

>Breum sings:

"Soothe in pale moonlit shadows mute grey,
Awash in candle s softness whilst starred skies hold sway."

(Beat at 9, 12. There really isn't a rhythm, is there? Again, issues with apostrophes.)

>Breum sings:

"Daylight dreaming is safe in sound keeping,
Deep neath the stone of burrow cave sleeping."

(Neath, should be 'neath when shortening. I'm not sure the point, since there's been a lack of beat anyway.)

As Breum intertwines the lines of a solemn fugue on her lyre, she produces lingering, moving lines that are neither miserable nor depressing but intriguing.

Breum glances at Nigellah.

>Breum smiles.
>Nigellah gazes in awe at Breum.
>Breum sings:

"A Godess' heart keens for twin sons immortal loss,
Farewell wailed ere their birthing, paths never again to cross."

(Spelling!)

Breum sings:

"In shadowy nightwatch the Star eyed' twin delights,
While his sib dare not tread the hours of the night."

>Through her delicate, pointed playing, Breum draws out a wan pavane on her mistwood lyre, evoking images of sunsets and lowering clouds.

>Breum sings:

"Instead his rising lifts the Sun s orb as if with just one finger,
Banishing dread from his day so his followers may linger."

Breum sings:

"Closest to twin hearts is where they hold honor
Ere they remain apart their blood ties them yet stronger."

>Through her delicate, pointed playing, Breum draws out a wan pavane on her mistwood lyre, evoking images of sunsets and lowering clouds.

>Breum sways back and forth.
>Breum leans to her left slightly.

Breum smiles.
>Breum closes her eyes for a moment.

>Producing a variation on the somber theme, Breum uses a series of repeated notes in the left hand, basso ostinato, while her right hand wanders the upper strings.

The last chord of Breum's solemn lament reverberates on as she allows her hands to drop from her lyre.

>Breum sings:

"They each honor Liabo, in his unique way "

Breum grins impishly.

>Breum sings:

"Which path is truer who ll point a finger to say? "

Breum curtsies.
>Breum retreats through the backstage curtains, vanishing from sight.

 

Final comments: Seriously needed more cleanup work, and should be checked before performance for grammatical errors. I gave up, little more than halfway through. With only heroic couplets and no beat pattern to the lines, the technical merit falls a bit short. The piece definitely seems copy/pasted due to Word's typical problems with apostrophes. The key words were used a couple times, and the theme could lean a bit stronger with 'honor'. Each stanza is supposed to represent an Arkati, but most were too vague to determine. With no acts, and the use of the instrumental script, there was no real showmanship or artistic style to speak of. There was a point that Breum glanced at a specific audience member, but it really didn't go anywhere so I assumed it was just a distraction.

Result: Did not place.

Notes: Non-Aspis member