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>Dremerie recites:
"It's JERSEA!"
>Jersea rolls her eyes.
>Jersea stands up.
>Jersea says, "Se you in a bit."
>Jersea goes down a walkway.
>The backstage curtains part slightly, and Jersea steps out onto the stage. A glimpse of the shadowy backstage is briefly visible before the curtains close behind her.
>Jersea smiles widely and waves to the audience as she minces her way to center stage. Her toe catches in her skirt and you can hear a loud r-i-i-i-i-p. Jersea stumbles forward slightly, nearly dropping her nosegay but catches herself before she lands in a heap.
>Jersea grins wryly.
>Jersea embarrassedly says, "Ok, that's embarrassing."
>Jersea sighs.
>Jersea amusedly asks, "Oh well, this wouldn't be my first choice for an outfit anyway, but what are you going to do when you're the maid of
honor?"
>Jersea chuckles.
>l jersYou see Jersea O'Brinkridge the Storyteller.
She appears to be a Dark Elf.
She appears to be of a tender age. She has sparkling, coral-flecked sandy brown eyes and golden brown skin. She has long, wavy chestnut hair swept back from the temples.
She is in good shape.
She is holding a lavender and baby's breath nosegay in her right hand.
She is wearing a pair of dark amethyst earrings, a gaudy deep violet frock, a pair of pale lilac gloves, an opal-studded pale lilac silk belt, an opal-beaded violet silk pouch, and some violet silk satin slippers.
>Jersea quips, "Umm, besides try and talk the bride out of choosing an outfit like this?"
>Jersea comments, "I guess I should have tried to talk her out of the marriage instead."
>Jersea rolls her eyes.
>Jersea dryly says, "You'll see..."
>(Jersea straightens her shoulders and brings her arms in tight to her body, centering the nosegay in front of her as she prepares to take a few strides forward. Glancing down, she catches sight of the ripped hem of her dress and appears to change her mind. She motions for a stagehand to bring her a stool.)
>Jersea sits down.
>Jersea grumpily asks, "Honestly! Have YOU ever tried to move in one of these things?"
>Jersea mutters under her breath.
>Jersea declares, "Men are so lucky!"
>Jersea smiles at the stagehand who hurries to bring her a stool. He sets it down and brushes it off slightly. Jersea tells him "Thank you" and he nods. As he turns to head off stage, he catches a glimpse of the crowd, falters, and then hurries his steps even more as he heads off the stage.
>(Jersea half sits and half leans against the stool as she reaches into her pouch and pulls out a ring. "This ring was at the center of a disastrous wedding!" she declares loudly. She holds the ring up and points out how misshapen it is and the empty prongs where the stone used to be. Tucking the ring back in her pouch, Jersea begins to recite.)
>Jersea just opened an opal-beaded violet silk pouch.
>Jersea removes a dented silver ring with an empty four-pronged setting from in her violet silk pouch.
>Jersea put a dented silver ring with an empty four-pronged setting in her violet silk pouch.
>Jersea nods.
>Jersea recites frankly:
"I was to be a bridesmaid for a dear dear friend of mine.
She was to wed her fellow in a wedding most divine"
Here Jersea pauses a moment before continuing. She stares off into the distance for a moment or two before continuing in a sheepish tone.
"But... I guess I'm here to tell you things didn't go so fine."
(Interestingly, while recites and singing will show up
entirely indented - they show up fine when pasted into a word processor, or web
editor. (highlighted in blue-grey) An act within a recite or sing - is also
intented, and looks.. odd in game, otherwise.)
Jersea recites dramatically:
"Well really it's not all my fault, but I did play a part"
Here Jersea glances at her violet pouch and vainly attempts to cover a small grin before going on.
"But honest! It was an accident that all of this did start.
The groom just went and made it worse when he yelled "She stole my heart!"
(Triple rhyme, beat is 14, 15, 15.)
Jersea dramatically exclaims, "A very poor choice of words!"
>Jersea flashes a quick grin.
>Jersea coughs.
>Jersea recites mischievously:
"You see, they just had reached the words of the most solemn vow
And I'd passed the ring for her to place upon his finger now
When he shouted out those words he said and furrowed up his brow!"
(Triple again, 14, 15, 15)
Jersea giggles.
>Jersea declares, "Talk about bad timing!"
>(Jersea squirms upon her seat slightly before continuing. )
>Jersea recites seriously:
"For at his words my friend went pale and turned and looked at me
As I stood there dumbfounded by the groom's most strange decree
And all those gathered wondered at the scene which they did see."
(triple, 14, 14, 14)
Jersea coughs.
>Jersea mutters under her breath.
>Jersea seriously asks, "Can you say... awkward?"
Jersea begins to twitch.
Jersea recites sternly:
"You stole the stone out of my ring!" the groom did rant and rave.
"That stone matched hers and just for that... I'll have you as my slave!"
Jersea mumbles something to herself and pats her violet pouch several times before she proceeds in a very dry tone of voice.
"Well... at this point, there was not much that could this wedding save."
(triple, 14, 14, 14. At this point I'm guessing
"stolen heart" equates to a "stolen stone". It's ok, but a
bit awkward since I didn't quite understand it during the actual performance.
Also again, the use of a quasi- action in a recite, is off center and looks
awkward in game, though seems to copy just fine.)
>Jersea removes a dented silver ring with an empty four-pronged setting from in her violet silk pouch.
>Jersea carefully inspects her silver ring.
Jersea recites softly:
"The bride, she took a closer look and said, "This prong is bent."
Switching to a voice that sounds extremely vexed, while still remaining soft, Jersea continues her recitation.
"And while I'm glad the words you said were differently meant...
You've ticked me off!" said she, then flung the ring, and it did dent."
(triple again, 14 beats each. The last line while
correct in beats seems awkward in rhythm. Again, use of quasi-action in a
recite/sing. It's distracting, but I can't quite determine if this is simply a
clever use, or it should not be used due to the inconformity.)
>Jersea drops a dented silver ring with an empty four-pronged setting.
>Jersea shrugs.
Jersea comments, "Can't you just imagine what a scene it was..."
>Jersea shakes her head.
Jersea smiles softly to herself as glances at the ring lying on the floor of the stage. She nudges at it with her toe and then quickly opens her violet pouch and checks on something in there. Satisfied that whatever is in the pouch is fine, she raises her voice again.
Jersea recites loudly:
"A shouting match did then ensue between the bride and groom..."
Jersea shakes her head and mutters something to herself as she briefly closes her eyes and covers her ears. "It was terrible!" she says before continuing on.
"But finally we herded them into another room,
And waited as they shouted and the sunshine turned to gloom."
(triple, 14 beats per. Another quasi-act)
Jersea seems to be waiting for something.
>Jersea shakes her head.
>Jersea shrugs.
>Jersea seems to be waiting for something.
>Jersea recites disgustedly:
"We left them to their lover's spat and off on our way went."
Speaking brightly, Jersea proceeds.
"Because it would have been a shame to waste a party tent!
After all, what can I say? The money had been spent!"
(triple, beats 14, 14, 13. Quasi-act)
>Jersea flashes a quick grin.
>Jersea recites bemusedly:
"We never saw the bride and groom, but still, we carried on.
The party lasted through the night, into the hours of dawn...
'Til even did the heartiest folk begin to deeply yawn!"
(triple, 14, 14, 15)
>Raising her arms slightly, Jersea arches her back and gently lets her head rock back.
>Jersea stifles a yawn.
>Jersea exclaims, "It was quite a party!"
>Jersea chuckles.
>Jersea recites mischievously:
"But if I'm e'er again a Maid of Honor with a ring
It won't go on my finger, so as to start up that whole thing...
Jersea rolls her eyes and waves her hand dismissively at the ring lying on the floor of the stage.
And by the way, I'd like to ask..."
(a working triple rhyme, beats at 14, 15..)
>Jersea removes a brilliant white diamond from in her violet silk pouch.
>Jersea tilts her white diamond side to side, making the light play off it.
>Jersea recites impatiently:
"How do you like my bling?""
(Ok, stop. Bling is horribly horribly OOG. And she was
doing so well, and that word alone killed the entire performance for me. Could
she have said, "how do you like -this- thing!" or.. ugh, anything but
some urban slang.. <<sigh>>. Double quote marks, but after 'bling' I
hardly noticed.)
>Jersea raises her white diamond skyward!
Jersea winks and flashes a sly grin.
>Jersea impatiently asks, "Is it honorable to be light
fingered?"
>Jersea stands up.
>Jersea curtsies.
>(Jersea indicates to the stagehand that he should come and get the stool now. She then bends carefully and picks up the ring from the floor, placing it in her pouch along with the diamond.)
>Jersea put a brilliant white diamond in her violet silk pouch.
>Jersea just closed an opal-beaded violet silk pouch.
Jersea picks up a dented silver ring with an empty four-pronged setting.
>Jersea just opened an opal-beaded violet silk pouch.
>Jersea put a dented silver ring with an empty four-pronged setting in her violet silk pouch.
>Jersea just closed an opal-beaded violet silk pouch.
>Jersea waves.
Jersea exits stage left.
>Jersea just came down a walkway.
Final comments: On technical, she managed to
remain with the triple rhyme. Better than the couplets, but not overly
difficult. Her beats per line were scattered, and it looked like she was
actually trying for a 14 beat line but didn't quite manage it. Showmanship was
ok and rather sparse, more -could- have been done, even for a humor piece. For
myself, I'm uncomfortable with the use of "acts" within recite/song
lyrics as it seems too distracting for me. I'll remain neutral on that. No
grammatical errors or script errors, except a minor one at the end. The use of
the empty ring was a very effective prop, and used well for the piece. The use
of "bling" completely killed the immersion into the game, since it is
assuredly a modern urban slang term. Suddenly the image of Jersea changed to
modern-day wanna-be rap child and despite the good qualities of the piece -
ruined it for me.
Result: 2nd Place!
Notes: Member of House Aspis, Bardfest
performer for several years. Changed performance from Thursday to Tuesday. Made
it to finals on "wildcard", due to Tolwynn and Rastavan already
claiming finalist positions on Tuesday.
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