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>Dremerie recites:
"Ah, the Bard of the rainbow!
RASTAVAN!"
>Rastavan beams!
(lots of applause)
>Rastavan stands up.
>Rastavan says, "Now, if ye'll all be patient with me for a moment. . ."
>Rastavan smiles wryly, and with a swirl of his rainbow cloak, he disappears down the walkway.
>Rastavan goes down a walkway.
Rastavan comes out of hiding.
Rastavan gestures.
The area becomes darker.
>Rastavan softly says, "Let darkness fall across the land."
>(Rastavan strides purposefully forward down the aisle, his deep voice carrying clearly through the theatre.)
>Rastavan recites boldly:
"All bear witness. . ."
(Good showmanship, I like this so far.)
>Rastavan recites darkly:
"For there is turmoil in the land.
Honor is lost,
And darkness is in the heart of man."
Rastavan recites darkly:
"It is in these dark times when
Man turns to fear,
But he who trades sin for sin. . ."
(Rastavan reaches the front of the stage and turns around, his piercing eyes looking out over the audience.)
Rastavan says, "Well, of that. . ."
Rastavan recites cryptically:
"You'll soon hear."
>(Rastavan begins walking briskly to a set of stairs leading up onto the stage.)
>Rastavan recites:
"I take you this night to a century past
To a city who's name time has forgot."
(Oops, should be "whose". Who's is short for
"who is".)
>(Rastavan reaches the top of the steps, moves onto the stage and turns to face the audience, his eyes dark and piercing.)
>Rastavan recites darkly:
"Where souls of men lie to perish and rot
In the ruins of dreams now turned to ash."
>(Rastavan lets the last syllable hang on his lips.)
(Damn English particles!)
>(Rastavan pulls his black cloak around his shoulders, revealing the pattern of twisted serpents.)
>Rastavan recites darkly:
"Men of honor bow to brigands and thieves
And turn their eyes from the shadows of night,
While praying some god will unburden their plight
And bring justice for those who will believe."
(Looks like a sonnet form, ABBA with ten beats per
line. Third line has eleven though, so it's not a true sonnet. Good to see some
rhyme and meter variation though.)
>(Rastavan goes down on one knee, his shoulders hunched and his arms folded on top of his raised knee. With furrowed brow, he gazes with fierce intensity out over the audience.)
>Rastavan says, "They prayed to any god who might listen, and there cries did not go unheard. . ."
>Rastavan shakes his head.
>Rastavan says, "For one day as the sun dipped down in a fiery ball beneath the horizon,"
>Rastavan says, "A loan figure stood before the barred gate."
>Rastavan says, "He came bearing the tale of a new god."
>Rastavan emphatically says, "One that would bring order to a land rife with chaos."
>Rastavan emphatically says, "One that would bring justice."
>Rastavan reverently says, "All who asked for salvation would receive his blessing."
(Misspelling of "loan", should be
"lone". Using recited verse with regular speech. Unfortunately I think
a lot was lost to the audience in the scroll, until the room was hushed.)
>(Rastavan bows his head momentarily before rising back to his feet to continue his tale.)
>Rastavan recites fervently:
"Build him a temple to honor his name
And enter the halls of the white robed priest.
Nightmares like smoke from the fire released,
Consumed by the tongue of the brazier's flame."
>(Rastavan moves his hands in hypnotizing rhythm to his words, gesturing up to the heavens, then drifting airily like smoke, before thrusting forward like a burst of flame.)
Rastavan recites fervently:
"The priest sits shadowed, and speaks not a word
As judgment descends on a troubled land.
From the darkness extends a bone white hand,
And wherever it points, justice is done."
(Lost the ABBA stanza, since 'word' and 'done' do not
rhyme.)
>(Rastavan intones the last word with curt finality, a look of near cruelty on his face.)
>(Rastavan begins pacing slowly towards the judges' table.)
(They had a table? I thought they were sitting in the
pews with the rest of us.)
>Rastavan says, "Brigands and thieves were mysteriously killed in the night. . ."
(Rastavan turns back around to face the audience.)
>Rastavan mysteriously says, "Not a mark on their bodies when they were found the next morning."
>Rastavan grins wryly.
>Rastavan says, "In time, the priest took the place of the constable, and the temple served as his court."
(Rastavan paces slowly towards stage right, his voice carrying clearly, but sounding almost as if he's talking to himself.)
>Rastavan says, "Those accused of crimes were brought before him. Some groveled at the foot of the altar, while others stood defiantly before him. . ."
>(Rastavan ceases walking, his gaze moving off into the distance.)
Rastavan dreamily says, "But the priest never said a word."
>(Rastavan blinks quickly, as if coming out of a daydream.)
>(Rastavan turns once again to face the audience.)
>Rastavan says, "He sat in the shadows, shafts of light from the high windows crisscrossed in front of him, but they never touched him."
(Rastavan clasps his hands behind his back as he begins walking towards the front of the stage.)
>Rastavan says, "Not until his hand lifted from where it lay, and a single white finger would break the beam of light."
>(Rastavan slowly raises his own finger to point crookedly over the audience.)
>Rastavan says, "No man was so brave that he would not wither before that pointed
finger."
>(Rastavan lowers his arm.)
>Rastavan darkly says, "No one knew what awaited them, but sinister tales were whispered in the dark."
>(Rastavan reaches the edge of the stage, and leans his shoulders forward.)
>Rastavan darkly says, "Tales of horrors worse than any nightmare. . ."
>Rastavan smiles cruelly.
Rastavan darkly says, "Horrors that scorched men's minds and left their souls empty as a desert wasteland."
>(Rastavan takes a step back from the edge of the stage.)
>Rastavan says, "Still, followers flocked to the temple, for the righteous had nothing to fear."
Rastavan recites confidently:
"Only evil
Begets evil."
>Rastavan says, "Or so the saying went. . ."
Rastavan takes a deep breath.
>Rastavan lets out a long, contemplative breath.
>(Rastavan's eyes flash with a sinister light.)
(What's with eyes flashing and lighting up tonight?)
>Rastavan recites slowly:
"They stood divided, faithful and accused
Both shadowed in a fear hidden from sight,
For though they could now walk free in the night,
Who says the finger may not point to you."
(Rhyme is now ABBC.)
Rastavan recites darkly:
"And so it began, as fear played its part.
The finger of blame turned neighbor to foe
As suspicion and fear started to grow,
And evil was seen in every heart."
(Rhyme back to ABBA, and maintaining iambic pentameter
with 10 beats per line with the one exception noted above.)
>(Rastavan interlocks his fingers before his chest and lowers his head, looking for a moment as if he may be done, but then his tale continues.)
Rastavan says, "Evil disappeared from the streets almost overnight."
(Rastavan clasps his hands behind his back and resumes his pacing.)
>Rastavan says, "Murderers were replaced by pickpockets and petty thieves, but the punishment was always the same."
>(Rastavan stops and looks over his left shoulder, his left arm slowly rising, index
finger extending. . .)
>Rastavan says, "A pale finger would point from the shadows. . ."
(Rastavan maintains his unblinking stare.)
Rastavan says, "And those accused. . ."
Rastavan coldly says, "Were never seen again."
(Rastavan lowers his arm, but otherwise remains unmoving. His gaze remains steady and unnerving.)
>Rastavan recites icily:
"So even the day may bring us nightmares
In darkest shadows from marble white halls
Where from these shadows, a jackal does call
And watches us with its yellow-eyed stare."
(Rhyme ABB(A))
Rastavan recites darkly:
"For in our nightmare, we follow like lambs
The call that leads us all to the gallows,
While a pale finger moves from the shadows,
Pronouncing judgment on this troubled land."
(Rhyme ABB(A))
(Rastavan remains immobile, his gaze now glassy and distant.)
Rastavan smiles slowly as his gaze returns to his immediate surroundings.
>Rastavan warmly says, "Ladies and gentlemen. . ."
>Rastavan says, "Enjoy the rest of the night."
>Rastavan smiles cunningly.
>Rastavan smiles cunningly.
(I think I'm supposed to be scared, but I really
didn't feel any emotional pull in this piece since the performer was more
telling than showing.)
>Rastavan begins a musical chant...
Rastavan sings a melody.
Rastavan sings a song of revelry, reminding you of days long gone. Lost in the song for a moment, your vision blurs slightly and you think you see Rastavan raise his arm in a toast. You blink to clear your head and find that Rastavan has vanished!
Final comments: Overall, I liked this piece
for its simplicity of telling and sonnet style verses. Use of the key words was
filtered several times through the piece, without it being disruptive but
certainly neither word was an aspect of the overall theme of the piece. I wasn't
really drawn into the story though, as there was little punch to the emotion.
There were a few couple grammatical errors, and slips on the rhyme scheme. Good
marks overall, but artistic style needs some work to capture an audience's
attention.
Result: 3rd Place
Notes: Aspis member, Former Bardfest Judge
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